I'm back, also. - Emma.

Since I was last on here I've had lows, highs, crappy D moments and (as) awesome (as possible) ones. I've had blood draws, an HbA1C. I've had christmas, a christmas with rock solid blood sugars between 80 and 150 the entire day, a christmas with my family, with my friends. I've had exams, and exam results, and I've had work and school and diabetes, all balanced into one. I've had some realisations as well as some unresolved confusion.

From the beginning of December, I had two weeks of exams. My blood sugars were insane, but I still managed 10 As and one B, which made me pretty happy. The day my exams were finally over, I couldn't go out and celebrate: I was off to the hospital for an appointment with my dietician. She also does basically everything with my pump. We discussed the changes I had made to my ratios, and looked over my numbers. She also ordered my bloodwork, for HbA1C, thyroid function and renal function.

Two days later, I had the blood draw, and the next week I got the results. My renal and thyroid function was normal (phew) and my HbA1C was down to 6.4! [: I've never had one that low before, and I'm incredibly grateful to the pump for helping me to achieve that.

I had a wonderful christmas, and it was great that my BGs held steady and let me enjoy myself with my family without a lot of worrying.

New year wasn't so wonderful, after drinking the tiny amount of alcohol that I did, I battled a 12 hour low spell. However, me and my best friend can deal with THAT, and stayed up until 5AM, painting whilst drinking juice and eating glucose tablets. Eventually I crashed out whilst still low, but woke up at a safe number of 4.8 (86). I'm thankful for my support network to get me through the difficult times that diabetes can sometimes bring.

During the first week of returning to school, I was faced with more adjustments. My ISF has changed from 4mmol (70mg/dl) to 8mmol (140mg/dl). This means I was giving myself double corrections for a little while, which is a terrifying thought, and led to a night low in the 30s. I'm not usually prone to lows at night, and that was the lowest I've ever had at that time, so I was terrified. But, I dealt with it.

Since then I've had highs, and lows. More highs than lows. But I'm used to it. I'm not beating myself up over every single one anymore, I'm letting myself back off a little. It's confusing, because I feel like my control is slipping away from beneath my feet, but at the same time it feels so good not to be faced with such a feeling of self-hatred when I see a 220, or a 50, and just to deal with it and move on. I'm trying to make a critical decision between my physical health and my emotional stability, and it's hard.