Pumping Insulin.. - Emma.

Well, this is somewhat scary.

>.<; At the moment I HATE this. And that's from like, the most enthusiastic pre-pumper ever.

I started off with the insane basal of 0.35u/h, an insulin:carb ratio of 1:30, and a sensitivity of 1:5. The only thing which has stayed the SAME is my sensitivity.

Within 2 and a half hours of being put on the pump, my basal alone had plummeted my blood sugar from 14.7 (265) to 3.1 (55). Felt nasty, that one. Got back up to 4.7 by lunch time; phew.

Then after my lunch (arrrghhh my new I:C is WAY too little insulin) I spiked to 16.2 (292). Arrghhh. After phoning my nurse and pump dietician person we decided to lower my basal to 0.25u/h and change my I:C to 1:20. Woo!

My corrections worked (thank GOD) and by dinner I was 8.6 (155). Hurrahh! I bolused 4.3 units for dinner, and 2 hours later I'm 7.0 (126). With 2.3 units on board. Hmmm. I don't really know what to do about this, but hey. It can only get better from here.

I DO love my pump really.

I'm just stupid and over emotional from all these freaking highs and lows. THEY MESS WITH MY MIND. I'll love the pump more tomorrow, and even more when my ratios are totally right. (=

Fun Night :) - Kate

When you get to a certain age in my clinic, they start preparing you for transfer to adult clinics. I'm at that age now. Although I'm not 17 yet, I went along to one of the transfer meetings tonight. Basicly the teenagers just go out with my nurse and have a whole lot of fun. It's a great chance to meet and talk with other diabetics our age, to share our experiences.

Tonight we went bowling. It was awesome. I haven't been to any of these meetings yet, but tonight was just brilliant. I made new friends that have diabetes and live near me. It's a great feeling. I was the only one there tonight with a pump, so I got tons of questions about it, but i'm only happy to answer, I think everybody should be on a pump! Especially at this age because it makes life with diabetes so much more, do-able. I'm aware that tons of people have gone through teen years with injections and are quite happy to but that's my opinion and do what ever works for you :)

We were talking with my nurse about what we plan to do as a group in the next year. First thing on the agenda is to go to Camp and have a blast in September. We. Cannot. Wait. Next on the list is a Christmas shopping trip up North :). Then in March we start training for the Women's Mini Marathon which takes place around June of 2009 I think :). It's very exciting, but I better get my trainers on, I am so unfit!

But I can't wait :)

I'm typing this post so fast because there is crazy scary thunder and lightening here and the rain is so heavy. I'm seriously freaked out, because the electrics keep cutting and each time it's taking longer to come back on. This post might not even make it out into the World Wide Web.

Also, not that my family already thinks that i'm crazy enough, I have a "low station" set up in the kitchen, if the lights do cut, so I know exactly where everything is incase i'm low and need food or whatever. I have 3 bottles of juice (When I'm scared I go low), a cereal box out, a bowl, 2 cereal bars and some fruit :). Haha yes a teeny bit over the top I know but I panic when I'm low so I need to know there are plenty of supplies that can be there when I need them.

Peace :).

Pumping Saline! - Emma.

Well, I have my pump.

I wanted blue, and I got black, but I can't complain! It's amazing!

I'm only on saline at the moment, but it's sooo simple and.. Wow. I'm just itching to get off injections for good! (Especially as my bloody lantus allergy is getting worse and my legs are now entirely covered in hives. ]:)

I had to change the site earlier, because I had a "NO DELIVERY" alarm, but everything appears to be working smoothly now.

I get started on real insulin on Wednesday!

Everything's working, I've figured out the remote control and the Contour Link meter (which reads sugars down to 0.6mmol/l (11mg/dl) - it's amazing!)

And, the pump does amazing things! If you input a blood sugar of 25.4 (457), for example, it goes: "Check for occlusion. Check ketones. Consider insulin injection. Monitor BG."

And if you input a blood sugar of 3.6 (65) [ouch, that low felt BAD] it says: "LOW BG. DO NOT BOLUS UNTIL BG IS NORMAL. Treat low BG. Monitor BG."

They've set my basal for 0.35u/h, but I don't agree. That adds up to 9.1 units in a day, and I only take 6 at the moment. ¬_¬; So I'll probably lower it...

I'll blog again on Wednesday (and maybe tomorrow) about my INSULIN START.

No more shots!

Animas 2020 - Kate

I got the Animas 2020 today. It's not technically mine. It's the training pump for my clinic. I'm still waiting approval to cover the costs from the local health community, so then I can get my own, pink Animas.

I think I love it. *Squeals with excitement*

I can't wipe the smile off my face all day. It's so small. It's so un-bulky. It's so light. It's so not a medical device. It's a cool game that I carry around. It's got a flashy colour screen that makes me go wide eyed and all..."Oooo--eeeyy". It's awesomeeee.

The resovoir filling procedure is a little scary, it involves a huge SCREW on..yes I said screw on needle, but I think I can live with it.

I love it =)

Why can't all diabetes devices be like this?

I don't want to talk about it. - Emma.

I've been sitting here for 32 minutes now, writing sentences, deleting them. Rewriting, just trying to phrase what I need to say correctly but somehow not being able to.

Diabetes is lonely.

Much as everybody thinks I have an awesome support network, I can't always confide in them. It's got to the point where I'll test with the meter in my bag, scared that someone will notice me testing and ask what I am.

I don't want them to ask.

I don't want them to know.

I don't want to know.

I don't want diabetes.

I'm so fucking angry that I can't even bear to discuss this thing anymore, this condition which somehow takes over every single aspect of my life.

I'm frustrated with my inability to just deal with it; with the fact that I can't just do everything right; with the fact that my blood sugars are never, ever perfect.

Why can't I just get it right, just some days. I don't ask for perfection all the time. I just want one day when my blood sugar doesn't go over 10 (180) or under 4 (70). It's hard to believe it, that I've never had ONE day where I've stayed in range all day.

It's just pissing me off, a lot.

I don't want to talk about it.

But the trouble is.. I want it to cease existance as well. And not talking isn't going to help with that. But for some reason, my brain isn't intelligent enough to comprehend that properly.

Arrgh.

(=

But I had a good time last night / yesterday / this morning. So it's all good really.

I Am Annoyed - Kate

Bad title - I know. Im very frustrated. Its 00:51 AM and I haven't checked my blood sugar since 5pm because my fingers were sore from loads of testing and I felt fine. At 5pm my sugar was 297 mg/dl, 16.5 mmol/l. It sounds high, but for me in the last few days this has been reasonable. I just checked about ten minutes ago and i'm 25.1mmol/m, 451 mg/dl. I don't feel high. At all. In this situation, I can't win. My sugar does weird things at night. If I was to go to bed and not do anything about that high, I will be high for hours, but then crash extremely low in around 8am. If I correct the high, I should come down by 2AM and go low by 3AM, then fix the low, then wake up again at around 8AM low again.

Lows make me panic and I get really scared when i'm low. So I would rather crest a little high around 200mg/dl, 11mmol/l while i sleep, and for when I wake up because i'm groggy in the morning and i'm not a breakfast person. I need to be awake about 2 hours before I can happily eat, so waking up low is horrible for me and it makes me panic.

I'm mad at myself for not spotting my high, because now either way I will end up low in the morning. So I am scared. And I probably won't get much sleep tonight because I will be waiting for this low that's "going to kill me". Okay I know that's irrational. Have I mentioned i'm terrified of being low?

I'm back at clinic tomorrow. It's going to be a busy one.

1) I have to get my A1c done. (cue terror music) Last one was 9.6%...and I KNOW there will be no improvement.

2) I may be getting my Animas 2020 pump. I think the health community have approved so hopefully.

3) Because i'm getting my Animas I have to ask my doctor about getting a guardian real-time sensor. I feel safer when I have my sensor especially at night time. You may ask why not just stay with the 722? Well. Minimed's customer service in Ireland in my opinion, is un-reliable, worrying, and UNexamplary. I have just waved goodbye to my FOURTH minimed and I am currently using the 522 my hospital uses for training new pump patients. I want something I can rely on, and from what I can tell from research, Animas is the one to trust. More so than Minimed, anyway. I don't think the health community will pay for the Guardian, but Mam says if it comes to it, we can pay for it. But I don't want Mam and Dad to have to pay for it.

4) I have to get blood tests at my appointment also, because we think I may be celiac. I have alot of the symptoms. I really hope I am not because I am so picky with food and it's gonna suck. I'm feeling even more frustrated at the thought of this.

5) D-Camp is coming up! Woo! Me and my nurse will talk about that.

I have been reminiscing alot about life before Diabetes. Before health problems. Before grief. Before growing up. There it is. Growing up. When did that happen? I want to be a kid again. I want to be able to go on adventures with my friends again without having to worry if the weak feeling in my knees is a low or is it because we've been wandering in this forest on top of this hill for hours? When i'm running around with my little cousins - am i buzzing with something because the kids are so excited or am I low? When the feeling of love and excitement and contentness fills my whole body with some good news that i buzz, shake, feel weak and have an overall fuzzyness about me, am I high? Or am I just having a 'normal person' reaction?

Diabetes is everywhere. When I get up in the morning first this I see is my meter. When I open the fridge the first thing I see is that Hypokit Injection. When we get into the car the first thing I see is treats for lows. When I'm getting my mam her purse there's glucose tablets and a syringe in there. When i open my purse the first thing I see is my diabetes ID card.

I look forward to the day when all this stuff doesnt need to be there.

I look forward to going to bed some night and being able to think about the next day, and not worrying how my sugars will be, and how I will cope in years to come with this disease. I just want to be a teenager without a chronic illness. Is that so much to ask? It shouldn't be.

I shouldn't have to go to bed and worry wether or not the low that greets me in the morning is the one that's gonna make me need medical attention because I was so scared and so busy panicing that I couldn't focus on drinking some damn juice.

But I do.

Hum Ho. - Emma.

Up at 6.15AM to go on a religious studies trip today.

It was tiring, but pretty good.

First we went to the mosque near regents park (I think..) in London, and the Islamic centre which is attached to it. It was soo cute, the little nursery kids sang to us in Arabic as well. (=

Main problem was that bleeding + mosques = bad, so basically I had to go from 10.00 - 12.15 without testing. I freaked out at that but got reassured that at 8.3 (149) I probably wouldn't go low, and that if I did I could always just step outside to test and treat it. So it was okay. And when I got out I was 7.3. But I felt really low whilst I was in there, I was a little worried I rebounded because I spiked awesomely high after that (16.7, 300) when I'd calculated my carbs PRECISELY and bolused very accurately. Lame.

After that, we went to the British Museum. At least we got lunch, at long last. (It'd been 6 hours since any food!!)


So yeah, we basically wandered round the British Museum for a few hours.. PILLSS! Yum. Lulz.

Alice is lame and refuses to pose.. But I got a picture, and I'm going to post it on here JUST to punish her. Love you, Alice!

Hannerrr is sexy.

REOWR.

Rosie and Sophwald are awesome too, I guess.

And, the final member of my group... JENNN.

"I'm blowing down my grandad's thigh!"

We're the cool kids who sleep the entire journey. <33

I look awful, but it's a cute one of Jen.

I'll post my REOWR photo when Hannah sends it.