I haven't blogged in a while because I didn't know what I would say. I've forgotten how to be diabetic. I've forgotten how to go to bed at night in fear of a low but you set your alarm and let yoursef sleep anyway, because you feel brave. I've lost my "It's gonna be okay". I can't let myself know it's gonna be okay anymore. Because sometimes it's not.
When i'm at school with my friends, instead of enjoying their company and conversation, i'm distant, laughing and smiling along not really knowing what the joke is, all I can think about is, "Did I do everything right? What if something happens to me?".
Diabetes is constanty whirring in my head, i'm always high and i'm always sick. I don't know how to do this anymore, and I can't find a start.
It's not as if I don't have any support, my parents are being too pushy about me not getting it right, constantly getting annoyed at me and freaking out, but I feel I can't do this with them on my back, I need space so I can handle MY diabetes but everybody else's opinions are in my head and it's just like one big evil tortureous diabetes fog.
I feel like my time is running out, my A1C is 13.4.
I just don't know how anymore. I'm exhausted.
Happy Diaversary to Me???
7 hours ago
2 comments:
Kate
Sometimes it is too much. At that stage the best thing (for me) is to focus on some small things that will get you back on the right road.
For example, I now eat salad at least once a day. If I eat it before consuming anything else it makes me feel more full so I don't eat as much carbs. I've been doing this long enough that it feels natural. It was a small positive change that I made earlier in the year.
Maybe you might start by trying to get your waking blood sugars under control. That makes the rest of the day a little easier.
Let me know if I can help in any way.
Hi Kate,
Like Bernard said, one thing at a time, one day at a time! You can do it, two strangers over here believe in you!!! Take care and let us know if we can help!
Mike
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